The Black Knight Reviews: The Death of the FanFic Critic
by xXx.The Black Knight.xXx
Summary: This is a MST-ing of a hate fic written by Hammohamster. Enjoy!


**Author's Note: Thankfully, the site I used to be on still has my work on there even though I was banned. This is a MST-ing of a fanfic written by the infamous Hammohamster. If you kids think that I am butthurt, wait till you read this, lol!**

**NOTE: The bold is me, the normal text is the original story.**

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I wrote this a few years ago ***It was actually over a year ago, not a few years ago, according to the FFC*** when The Fanfic Critic wrote a story calling me out on . Before i had a chance to upload this story, she apologized and we became all good and stuff. however i feel i still have the right to upload this story because she himulated ***I think you mean to say humiliated...*** me on and youtube. ***She didn't humiliate you...you humiliated yourself...just like how you are now by writing this!*** I do not mean to start a new war but to end an old one. ***cough BULLSHIT*** A story like thing *** "A story like thing"? ****_What?_*******does not break any rules as this is only between me and FFC and we are technically okay with each other now.***Uh...it still does break rules seeing it's...what the term...SLANDER!***

**...so...despite the fact that she ****_apologized_** **to you, took the fanfic she wrote about you down, and even made an effort to be supportive of your recent fanfics, you posted this story OVER A YEAR after you've made amends? And yet you claim you are ****_not_**** starting somethin' new?** **Yeah, keep tellin' yourself that, sweet heart.**

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One evening, Megan Wessels aka the Fanfic Critic sat in her home. She was very lonely. She didn't have any friends and her life consists of putting up lame unfunny videos of her criticizing fan fiction while dressed as the Nostalgia Critic. ***Why do people claim that she dresses like NC? SHE DOESN'T!*** She seriously wanted attention and she wanted a nice pole to ride up and down but she knew her striking ugliness was too server to woo even the drunkest man or woman.

**Whelp, she didn't waste any time! She dropped the real name in the first fuckin' sentence! That's a new record! Also, the FFC is not ugly. Hammo needs some glasses, lol XD**

"Maybe I can fuck Aliento?" Thought Megan as she fingered herself. ***O.O Sorry, FFC...blame Hammo for the lovely image...*** Then she remembered that he was gay. She was saddened because she was reminded of the fact that she didn't have a dick. ***Trust me, having a penis is not all its hyped up to be*** She weeped as she looked at her ginger snatch covered in little pimples. ***So, her hair has pimples? Also, isn't the FFC a dirty blonde?*** She really wished she was a man. ***If she became a man, half the dudes on the internet would turn gay for "him". I hope she stays a girl, though...*** She thought about stalking the Nostalgia Critic and killing him so she may skin him and wear him as a suit like Buffalo Bull in silence of the Lambs but she knew she was too poor and chicken to kill or harm anything.

**Ah...the maturity of this author astounds me...**

She looked up at the clock and saw that her 20 minute break she allowed herself in between making videos is over. It was time for her to make another lame video. ***Actually, I find her videos entertaining. Besides, if she was so "lame", why does she have so many subscribers on YouTube?*** She went into her poorly lit room and put on her once washed Nostalgic Critic clothing.***Again, FFC doesn't dress like NC. The outfit is kind of simular but it isn't exact.*** She put her ginger hair into a bun and sat in front of her computer. After looking at some yaoi,***what is with this girl and her yaoi?*** she turned on her grainy webcam and changed the contrast so that the viewers couldn't see her freckles and pimples,***Last I checked, the FFC doesn't have freckles. Also, her acme isn't really that noticable.*** which were very common with gingers.***Funny, the FFC looks like a dirty blonde to me...***

"I don't even know what I'm reading tonight." She went on her deviant art and her gay little friends ***Didn't you say that she had no friends a couple of paragraphs ago?***were suggesting a new horrible fanfic called Billy and Micheal***It's ****_Michael_******* : How their zombies found love." written by Hammohamster.

**So far, Hammohamster has not only severely slandered Miss Critic, she has also contradicted herself with her own writing! lol, this chick is whack!**

Megan creamed her panties at the mention of that name. "Oh Hammo..." she whispered out loud. She knew about Hammohamster and she have reviewed three of her stories on her show***Actually, she reviewed five. Wow, you can't even do your research on your OWN stories!***. She loathed her and practically looked at her FF . net page constantly, waiting for a new story so she can rant and rave in the reviews. Even though she hated her she was drawn to her.

**I sense a "massive ego complex" from our charming author! Ooh, BOY! **

See, Megan had a secret she will never admit. It would ruin her flax persona of being hardcore and crazy or whatever she is trying to steal from NC.***So, the NC is a crazy fanfiction reviewer as well? I though he reviewed nostalgic movies and was sadistic and perhaps a bit evil... Oh, wait...HE IS! So...SHE'S NOT STEALING FROM HIM!*** Her face burned at the thought of this secret:

The Fanfic Critic was in love with Hammohamster.

**Everyone, please take a moment or two to laugh your asses off at such a ridiculous thought... *eh-hem* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

She realized that her obsession wasn't just hate after she first read "The Ballad of Glenn and Barrack" to herself. She realized that her persistence turned her on. She continuously went to her page so she may see if she was still writing stories. If she didn't update in a two weeks, she felt depressed and contemplated suicide but when she updated, she felt warm because it was like she had a real friend. This slowly turned into love and Megan couldn't help but fall in love with the Yemen born writer. She never really wondered what she looked like. Only knew that she wanted her to rough her up in bed.

**The massive ego is strong with this one...**

She gripped her chair as she opened the link.

The story was relatively shout. ***Gotta stain? SHOUT IT OUT!*** Longer then her drunken Hetalia stories but shorter then the first chapter of "The ballad of Glenn and barack".***Woah...this chick can't even spell the name of our president correctly, let alone write the title of her ****_own_**** fanfic correctly. So, so, sad...*** She knew she would hate it so much that she decided to read the story blindly for the camera. She ready the summary to herself before she started recording the episode.

"After rising from the grave, Micheal*******_Michael_******* Jackson and Billy Mays go on a killing spree. But even though they are cold and terrifying to their victims, they are warm and passionate to each other."

***Heh...I could see her actually writing this story!***

Megan stared at the summary for what seem like hours. She looked up at the ceiling with rage boiling into the pit of her stomach. She crossed her arms and turned beet red. Steam came out of her ears. She became sloping ***So...is she on a hill?*** wet with the fact that Hammohamster pissed her off again. She had the perfect face to started the episode. She looks into the camera all pissed for like 1 minute(which of course she doesn't edit out). Just when the viewer would have gotten bored and clicked on one of Afanficcritic's videos in the suggested video bar because she is much cuter and interesting, she spoke.***Heh...I find FFC more entertaining than AFFC...just sayin'. Both are awesome, though!***

"Hi. I am the Fanfic critic. I speak. You listen..."***For the love of Lesbian Jesus! She can't even get the FFC's opening line right!*** She stares at the carmal ***it's ****_camera_****, you illiterate idiot*** for another minute.

"Hammohamster have done it again...I...I...I don't understand her persistent need to write fanfiction about real people! She has wrote another slash fanfiction about Micheal*******_MICHAEL_****, ****_MICHAEL_****, ****_MICHAEL_****!*** Jackson...and Billy Mays...as zombies...falling in love with eachother***the space bar is your friend!***..."

She widens her eyes, making the ugly lines on her forehead and face more visible for supposed comedic effect. "Micheal***IT'S ****_MI_****-oh, fuck it...*** JACKSON and Billy MAYS fall in love with each other as ZOMBIES!" She stares into the camaraderie ***um...do you even know the definition to camaraderie?*** for another minute then sits back down calmly.

"It is rated M. It is in English and it is in the X-over category...And our story begins." Megan wanted to change her panties because it was so wet but she figured that no one will notice. ***irrelevant sentence is irrelevant*** She began reading...

***glances below* Well, shit on toast! She actually wrote a fanfic ****_within_**** a fanfic! If you kiddies wish to read it, be my guest! As for me, I'm skipping to the fanfic we're supposed to be in! See ya below!**

_"It was a snowy winter evening in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico and Farmer Brown was checking on his cows. He had a heater installed in the barn to prevent the cows from getting too cold. He also had to check on it every now and then because it can over heat and it took a day to fix it. He slipped on the snow and fell, spraying his ankle._

_"FUCK! GOD!" he rolled on the ground holding his ankle. He used a shovel that was near-by and used it to prop himself up. Snow covered his body from laying on the snow._

_"Dammit! Dem cows are going to have to wait!" And he hobbled back to his farm house. But when he was able to get up one step, he heard the cows moo loudly. He can here them violently moving around in their stales. Obviously they were being attacked or they were immensely spooked. This wasn't a case of a random fencehopper humping the cows without their consent like he caught his neighbor Red Winged Assassin fucking his pigs one night. This was something serious. He hobbled back to the barn and opened the door, holding the shovel for a weapon. He gasped._

_He saw two men ripping the throat off his prized cow, (one of his favorites) and eating her flesh raw and bloody like a pair of animals. He stood with his mouth open in shook. As he watched, he couldn't help but feel like he recognized the two men. One was about six foot and skinny,wearing a leather red and black jacket and matching pants. He had a Jerry curl and wore chucks. He also had one diamond covered glove. The other man was a little shorter and a little tubbier. He wore a blue shirt and kackies. He had a beard and tired eyes._

_The farmer urine as he knew who they were. "Micheal Jackson! And Billy Mays! back from the dead!" In his fear, he carelessly said this out loud, alerting the two dead celebrities. They looked at him, lacking pupils with blood from the cow dripping from their mouths and onto the floor. They snarled, flashing their sharp mangled, maggot covered teeth at the poor terrified farmer._

_Then they attacked! Micheal Jackson moonwalked with murderous intent at the farmer! The farmer took his shovel and whacked Micheal in the head, knocking him over. The farmer dropped his weapon and ran to his house, only to fall almost at the exact spot he fell and sprand his angle. And he did so BECAUSE of that very same ankle._

_"SHIT! OH, FUCK ME!" Farmer Brown screamed. Billy mays snarled as he emerged from the barn in a fit of rage. He ran toward the inaugurated farmer who was desperately crawling to his house. He new he kept a shotgun behind his front door so if he could only reach the door..._

_Too late._

_Billy Mays jumps in the air and attacks the farmer, ripping flesh from his arms and face with his bare teeth. The farmer screamed as all he could see was flashes of the zombie's teeth covered in his own gore as it connects with his face over and over again. Micheal Jackson stumbles out of the barn and hobbles to Billy and his pray. He stood and watched the farmer struggle, slowly dying._

_Billy Mays stopped just when Farmer Brown was in his death throws. He stood and moved away, as if to let MJ have his fill. Micheal Jackson bent down and ripped at the man's throat, eating the raw veins and flesh inside. Blood sprayed all over the king of Pop's leather jacket. he ripped the mans cloths off his chest and started ripping away flesh just as the Farmer passed away. Both zombies ate their prey's chest and organs._

_As Micheal ate, he felt his left hand being raised up and when he looked he saw Billy Mays holding the farmer's decapitated finger which harbored his wedding band. Billy Mays took the ring off with his teeth and slipped it on Micheal's finger. The pupil-less zombie looked into the king of Pop's eyes._

_"BILLY MAYS HERE AND I'M HERE TO PROPOSE MARRIAGE TO YOU!"_

_If Micheal's heart was beating, he would have blushed right there. "oh billy! it's so beautiful! i always wanted to spend my undead life with you, too! this is the happiest day in my zombie life!"_

_And the two zombies kissed. There rotten lips sucked the maggots and blood from each other's mouths. Their cold dead hands felt each other up. Micheal and Billy never liked each other when they were alive but they grew to love each other while undead. They have been lovers ever since the day they rose from the grave. They placed their foreheads together and looked into each other's eyes._

_"BILLY MAYS LOVES YOU!"_

_"and i love you too, billy." the two newly engaged lovers embrace each other under the cold winter moonlight._

_End of chapter 1"_

**So, whaddia all think? Was it as bad as I imagined? Yes? GOOD! Hammohamster does ****_not_**** disappoint!**

The Fanfic critic sits and stares at the story with tears in her eyes.***and she was not alone in doing so...*** Blood trickled out of her nose and cunt.***Hammohamster sure loves that word!*** She took out her knife and looks into the cheap ass camera.

"I...I can't take it anymore!" and she slits her throat.***YAY! She actually wrote the FFC in character! now, where's Susan?*** Blood sprays all over the computer screen and the web cam, obscuring the viewer of her face.***where's Sue?*** Thankfully. Disgusting gargling sounds filled the room and she twitches from the sudden blood loss.***yeah, yeah...don't care! Get to the bit with Susan!*** She swallows her tongue which slips out of the hole in her neck. Her life flashed into the front of her eyes which wasn't much.***Susan, anyone?*** She took the keyboard and smashed her head continuously, trying to kill herself quicker. Blood trickled from her head but she was still alive. She took her knife and took them into her eyes. Blood and eye fliud***it's ****_fluid_**** and WHERE'S SUSAN?*** trickled out onto the keyboard and down her face. She wanted to scream but she couldn't, no matter how hard she tried. She opened her shirted ***is shirted even a word? Also, where's Susan? You can't have a FFC fanfic without Susan!***and started hacking away at her breasts, taking a handful of her breast fat and smearing it all over her face for style. Then she cut off her lips and her nose until she looked like a skull. Then she fell face first on her keyboard and died.***Aw...no Susan...****_pouts_*******

Her Harry Potter poster which hanged behind her suddenly comes to life.***Wow! I didn't know this was a Mary Poppins fanfic!*** It rips the tape off it and walks over at its dead master.

"Holy shit! What happened?" Said the poster. It jumped on the corpse's back and looked at what she was reading.

"Hammohamster, huh? well, let's conger her up here to explain herself!" The poster used its magic wand to call Hammohamster. In a cloud of dust, a too short, too skinny light brown chick appears wearing a hollister sweatshirt and jeans and coke bottle glasses. ***Huh. No wonder you think the FFC is a ginger! You have glasses from the sixties!***This is hammohamster. She was eating pocky when she looked and saw an anthropomorphic poster standing on top of the bloody corpse of the Fanfic critic.

"WTF?" Says Hammo dropping her pocky.

"Look what you did, bitch! You and your stories pissing her off!"

"What the hell, how is this MY fault?! Its her problem if they piss her off! Fuck her, seriously. Now where the fuck am i so i can go home?"***Um...wouldn't you know that you're at FFC's place seeing SHE'S there?***

"Oh no you don't! You aren't going anywhere! We are going to avenge Megan's death! get 'em boys!"

All of the dead bitch's posters came to life and started to move upon the awesome Yemen girl***MASSIVE EGO ALERT!***. She did a spinning kick on the halo poster***NOT HALO!*** and the puppy calender at the same time, tiring***it's ****_tearing_****!*** them into shreds. Her other posters who are unidentifiable because of Megan's granny webcam attacked, slicing her face open with paper cuts.***The typos in that last sentence are amazing.*** Hammo balled them up and dipped them into Megan's blood so they won't be able to get up from being all soggy. Then there was only the harry poster poster left.

**...well, I give her kudos for being creative!**

"Bitch, imma turn you into a real hamster so i may stomp you to death!" and it jumped at Hammo! Just when the poster was about to case its spell, Hammo took out her favorite lighter and lit the poster on fire. The poster screamed and ran around the room, lighting everything else on fire as well. Hammo went around the room and stole Megan's computer and anything she thought was valuable and ran out of Megan's home. It burned to the ground and the police deemed it a suicide.

**Uh...so FFC, after brutally killing herself, had time to light a massive fire? See the flaw in that? Ugh, this story is making my brain bleed...**

Hammohamster posted the video of The fanfic Critic brutality killing herself on youtube and it became the most watched videos***So, the FFC killed herself multiple times and you got all the videos? or did you mean to say video?*** on the site. Hammo became world famous.***Why?*** Ellen DeGeneres, Jay Leno, David Letterman, Conan asked her to be a guest star on their shows***WHY?*** where she explained that the fanfic critic killed herself because she read one of her stories. Oprah surprised hammo with a contract to a publisher***WHHHYYYY?*** so she may publish her works to the world. Hammohamster became a millionaire and lived happily ever after.***WHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY!~BOOOOM~***

The End.

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A/N: I would never REALLY write a story about Billy Mays and Micheal Jackson because that is just not right. ***Um...YOU DID MAKE A STORY ABOUT THEM! Are you really THIS stupid?***

**Well, that's ****_The Death of the FanFic Critic_****!**

**Grade:**** F-**

**This "fanfic' was slanderous, tasteless, rude, nonsensical, and just a grammatical mess! I may not be the Fanfic Critic but I do know a bad story when I see one!**


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